My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
