I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
