Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
