I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
