I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
