if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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