You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
