Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
