Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
