Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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