Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
