No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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