The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
