You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
