best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
