6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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