I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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