put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
