In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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