Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
