I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
