He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
