I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
