We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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