He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
