Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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