I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
