you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize