The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
