I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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