They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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