oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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