if only i could text you this smell
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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