i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
