47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
