I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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