We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
