Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
