today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
