a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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