i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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