Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
