I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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