I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
