you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
