wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
