I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had to cum in my sink.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
