3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
