There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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