.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
