Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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