sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
