Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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