She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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