She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
