well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
